imagine youre about to go down on miss piggy and you get down there and frank oz punches you in the face
if this happened to me i would get up with several yellow canaries orbiting my head and my pupils swirling around with my tongue sticking out and say “what a woman!”
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man’s boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you’re excited about it.
crane husband…..
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s. The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris–and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent. (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)
It worked!
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility–sometimes the biological dad and his mate–both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them. (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird. White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive. (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she’s simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and “sitting” on artificial eggs so she thinks he’s performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
“chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES.” (alternately: “chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She’s 36, she’s very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! …Is there a downside? WELL…”)
chris sits any potential human partners down, like “my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already… Attached” (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) “Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding… the relationship is open, but very committed”
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he ‘married’ to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
I was keeping my composure until I read he has to sit on artificial eggs.
We are a semi-private 25+ 3/3/3 mature roleplay. Our genre combines horror, real life, science fiction, and the supernatural. We are set in a fictional town north of the Arctic Circle where ninety days of darkness (known as Polar Night) plagues the town every year. After an initial breakout several months earlier, the locals must band together as a virus threatens their humble town, infecting their neighbors, friends, and family, either killing them or turning them into bloodthirsty monsters.
Undertow is a character-driven site that relies on collaborative storytelling to progress the plot. We will explore heavy topics such as, but not limited to violence, murder, death, illness, substance abuse, crime, and sex. Our goal is to provide a safe, respectful, and inclusive environment to delve into these themes within the parameters of our plot.
Our plot is designed to incorporate various genres, themes, and elements in order for writers to choose their own path through the Undertow universe. Whether your characters are blissfully unaware of the virus and living their best lives, or vampires trying to hide their new nature from their neighbors, everyone is welcome.
The last days of the petition against conversion therapy are FASCINATING to watch. I have been following it pretty closely for almost a year now, and the progress was, above all, steady. There was this jump when some algorithm in Finland picked it up, but even that was local.
And now, everyone is panicking.
Which really shows.
These past three or four days, multiple countries have reached the threshold. Even more notably, the number of signatures in total, the ones that we need to get one million of, are growing rapidly. There are only 400'000 signatures missing. Two days ago, it was closer to 600'000.
Consider joining the fun by making everyone around you sign it!
This now needs less than 300k signatures, and even gained 2k between the time I reblogged it and me adding this edit!
Only 170k signatures needed now! The deadline is May 17th aka TOMORROW - which is close, but it’s gaining 100k+ signatures per day - which means there’s a real chance the petition could make it! And they’ve already met enough of the per-country thresholds to qualify on that basis!
The petition has literally gained over 10k signatures in the 30 minutes since I reblogged this, btw. We can get this done!!!
Fergie, 33, RP addict reblogging amusing things and also trying to turn this into a writeblr to get myself focused on far too many projects. Really, too many.
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